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Talk:Dark Future
Please post your comments on the story below here, in the section "Comments". Thank you! ' -TF Old Talkpage '''Please note that everything seen in this section was written about [http://custombionicle.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Future?oldid=401203 the original revision of ''Dark Future] rather than the current version of the story. Please do not edit anything below this section and post any comments you might have in the "Comments" section further below. Uhh, first sentence: Jareroden was walking through a dimly lit corridor, which led to a long steel door. First Sentence THC: MoM Ch. 1: Hydros walked down a dimly lit corridor. Sound the same, anyone??? VNT (Talk to me) 17:38, July 18, 2010 (UTC) No offense, but I think that unlike the incident with The Glory Wars, this one isn't plagiarism. There are many of my characters walking through dimly lit corridors, and I have never read Mission of Memories. [[User:TheSlicer|'The']] [[User talk:TheSlicer|'Slicer']] 20:18, July 18, 2010 (UTC) VNT, I read Mission of Memories, but it isn't plagiarism, many users make their characters walk down a long dimly lit corridor. Toa Fairon ' OK. I am a big fan of Hydros`s work, and I read MoM several times. It seemed very familiar, and I have not read many stories here. I also didn`t think it was intentionally wrote like it, but I wanted to say it, so he could possibly change it (when needed). VNT (Talk to me) 06:07, July 19, 2010 (UTC) VNT, I read Mission of Memories so much that I can recite the most sentences, and I was inspired to make my own story by THC and MOM, otherwise I would never even come here. 'Toa Fairon ' I agree...lots of characters encounter corridors in stories. But in other news, the story is great so far!! @VNT: I don't think one sentence can be counted as plagiarism. Also, awesome story, it's pretty cool how Jareroden was the first character! 'Jareroden97 05:12, July 20, 2010 (UTC) Thanks guys, Jareroden was the first to appear because I just wanted him to appear first, he exactly fits into the role. And about Hendrax, I'll make his page soon. Toa Fairon ' This story is sweet dude Thanks! 'Toa Fairon AWA) Official NRC Review It seems this time I am reviewing another contest-story, this time Dark Future, by ToaFairon. I've heard some people like this story, but I've never finished it until today. Anyway, I'll get down to reviewing this story now. To be honest, I didn't expect very much from this at first, considering the title sounds so similar to "Dark Realities" however, my fears abated when I realized the plot was radically different. The premise seems fairly original (At least on this wiki, it seems this was inspired by a Pokemon game), as DR was when it was released. There is no reason to dislike this story for that reason, it really has very little in common with Dark Realities except the contest story premise and the title. However, whereas Dark Future's plot is fast paced, I see very little depth here, except fast-paced action. There's really no characterization here, no depth beyond what the story demands the characters to do. The villains all act on the fact that "the resistance must be annihilated!" and seem to have no real motive beyond that. Likewise, the protagonist's entire motivation seems to be that "the empire is evil." Beyond this, they all act the same, villain and protagonists alike. The only real way to differentiate them is by their motive. Many stories fall into this trap, including, to some extent, Dark Realities. Still, here this un-characterization is taken to the extreme, to the extent where, again, you can only differentiate them by their motive. These flaws damage what would otherwise be an original, interesting story. Also, the description has been taken out of the story almost completely. I really have no idea what the locations look like, what the battling ships look like, and I wouldn't even know what the characters look like if they didn't appear in other stories or I'd seen their pictures. Coupled with the lack in characterization, this hits the story hard, leaving Dark Future a fast-paced story that has sacrificed virtually everything else to be fast-paced. My only other gripe with this story are the grammar flaws, in Chapter 4, it says, Hendrax walked to the spot where Kyhrex and Shayla were trying to stop the flooding, it wasn't going good.. And I count at least twice where the number 2 is used to replace the word to. This may be noticeable only to me, but they occur enough that they're worth mentioning. I'm sorry if I sound picky in this review, but the fact that the speed of the plot hurts the story more then it helps damage the story considerably. Without characterization and lack of description, the (somewhat) original premise and the past paced scenes are all weakened badly. Final judgement: This story has potential, but only if you're able to bring the characterization and description up to par with the plot. It really isn't a completely terrible story, but it needs some definite improvement before it is close to competent. (As an afterthought, I've noticed that these flaws are a lot of the same flaws TheSlicer pointed out in his review of FuSoTech World Survival, almost to the extent that the wording is alike, so really, these reviews could apply to both stories, though DF is marginally better). Overall Grade: C-''' '''Varkanax39 23:21, May 20, 2011 (UTC) Comments Please post your comments on the story here.